A question that came from executive life
For many years, my life was that of an executive. It was from within it that the question began to trouble me. I saw people chasing everything they had imagined, work, career, children, family, and still not feeling fulfilled. And I saw the opposite too: people who lost a badge, went through a layoff or a separation, and said their whole life collapsed.
The same question fit both cases. What kind of power is this, that we hand over so easily to what lies outside? To answer it, I began to research, to talk, to investigate. The study gathered more than 400 people.
What the numbers said
The result was harder than I expected. When we asked where these people felt the power was, almost everyone pointed outward: to other people, to circumstances, to what they had. Only 8% felt the power was theirs.
Eight percent. The figure lays bare a difficulty we carry almost without noticing: recognizing who we are. Through life, we learn to drift away from our own identity. And when something external breaks, it feels like we lose power even over ourselves.
How power gets handed over
This doesn't happen all at once. It happens gradually, through cultural and social layers. From early on we hear that we must have a good marriage, be financially independent, measure up. When we take those demands inside, we begin giving them power.
From this a movement is born that I recognize in almost everyone. When work doesn't make us happy, we work more, hoping happiness arrives. When the marriage isn't going well, we invest more in it, out of the same hope. Since it's never enough, we give still more, and guilt sets in, because giving on one side means failing on the other.
The pendulum
I call this the pendulum. On one side, we hand over more and more power, seeking a satisfaction that never comes. On the other, when burnout appears, we try to heal: years of therapy, whatever practices come along, trips that compensate for a moment. And then we return to the same place.
The two sides seem opposite, but they're the same gesture. Neither returns the power to you, because both keep betting that the solution lies at some extreme.
Conscious power lies at neither end. It sits in the middle. It sits at the moment you say: my power isn't at this extreme, nor at that one. My power is in how I handle these two forces and how I act within life's scenario. Because life goes on: we need to work, care for those we love, manage all of it. The point is to pull the power back to yourself and stop handing it over, neither to people nor to situations.
The veils and the face
This isn't about refusing the roles. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a good professional, a good mother, a good friend. There's nothing wrong with being ambitious. I often use the image of veils: you put on these roles through life, and each one has its place.
The risk is mistaking the veil for the face. When I know who I am within a relationship, I don't give power to the other, because the power is already mine. I understand my potential, I understand why I'm there, and I become less of a hostage. The problem was never having a marriage, a job or achievements. It was depending on them to know who we are.
Three pillars for reclaiming power
The research pointed to something concrete. People who combined three traits were far more likely to see their own inner power.
- Identity: who I am in the world. Looking only inward isn't enough, because inward we also look through our own traumas and through what we want to see. We must ask what the world sees of us.
- Context: the scenario I'm in. Recognizing that scenario and asking how I, with my identity, position myself within it.
- Action: acting with identity and context in mind. Only knowing myself, without acting, leaves my relationships and what I want to bring into the world stuck.
These three pillars are the foundation of the Estrutura Consciente de Poder. They don't work apart. You recognize who you are, read where you are and choose how to act without being dragged.
This is the path between Ter Poder and Ser Poder: moving from a strength conditioned on what you have to a strength that doesn't vanish when titles, relationships and recognition change. Knowing this is already a beginning. It's from here that you stop handing over your own power, and start to say: the power is mine.
#poderconsciente #serpoder